Jesus Cliffs Notes

Virgin birth, carpenter's son, 20-year void (probably spent picking up some buddhism...), hates coin-changers in his father's house (unless they're Republican), water to wine, made some buddies (shouldn't have trusted that shady one), couldn't get laid (probably because he rolled 13-deep with his homies - that scared away the ladies), Sermon on the Mount (still weeps that his followers never read this, and instead choose to focus on Leviticus and Revelations), jealous priests angry, got crucified, rose from the dead so we could hide Easter eggs and wear ugly pastel clothing, Mel Gibson made a torture movie about him, and finally, theimage of our lord and savior, the only begotten son of the divine creator of the heaven and the earth, can now be found in vegetables, grilled cheese sandwiches, and fish sticks, predominantly in third-world countries and the deep south of the United States...

The end...?

Update: No, certainly not! Now they've found the image of the Virgin Mary in a sonogram, and they're auctioning it off on eBay. I'm sorry, I just can't take this kind of idiocy any more... I have to move to Europe or something. (And for those who know me, you realize that's a huuuuge sacrifice considering how much I like having air conditioning...) Here's a link to the auction.

and let us pray: God, please save us from your followers.

(Revision, Jesus-Style: http://www.informationclearinghouse.info/article10025.htm)