Help! My House Is Infested With Boy Scouts!

OK, the boy scouts have been in town here in D.C. for like 3 years now. Isn't it time they put the khaki daisy duke shorts away, untie those grannie knots, round up their pedophile scout masters -- at least the ones that didn't electrocute themselves when their tent pole hit a power line a couple of weeks ago (I kid you not, these are the guys teaching all these kids basic camping safety...) -- and head home?

I'm sure there's lots of baseball to be played and small animals to torture (or whatever it is those hitler youth like to do in their spare time).

Come on, I only kid! The scouts are a great organization, where children can learn self-respect, discipline, forestry and survival skills, and how to tie a slip-knot, among other things.

Not only that, but I think I may have a solution to our troop shortages:

"Boy Scout program membership, as of December 31, 2004

988,995 Boy Scouts/Varsity Scouts

543,487 adult volunteers

52,131 troops/teams" (http://www.scouting.org/factsheets/02-503.html)

Holy cow!

(Editor's note: I only joke on the Scouts because I'm disgruntled... Yes, I used to be a Cub Scout, and my pops talked me into quitting before I got to the Boy Scouts because he didn't want to drive me to the meetings any more...)